Hanging On
by alottosay
Summary: Set right after the season one finale. After the Undertaking, Felicity and Oliver struggle with life in Starling City. I really suck at summaries so please give it a chance and hopefully I will get better. (: Disclaimer: I do not own Arrow or any of the characters in this story.
1. Chapter 1

**Set after the season finale of season one. Please take a chance on me and read this story. Hopefully, I do not disappoint anyone and if I do I am sorry. Enjoy! (:  
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Felicity sat in the basement of Verdant hugging her knees tightly to her chest as her world literally fell to pieces around her. Tears streamed down her face as she sat alone while cement and light fixtures crashed from the ceiling. She felt the earthquake cease and took a deep breath before opening her previously tightly shut eyes. Her eyes surveyed the damage and she was heartbroken to find her computers were in pieces and most of the floor covered in debris. Help, she needed help, that was the first thought in her head which was soon followed by worrying about what the rest of The Glades looked like. Worriedly, she tried to contact Oliver with her earpiece but found him not responding. Next she tried Diggle and felt her worries temporarily subside when he said that Malcolm Merlyn, the Dark Archer, and all around psycho douche bag, was dead.

"Diggle, are you alright? Have you heard from Oliver?" Felicity asked trying to sound less worried than she was.

"The last I saw of him, he was on his way to go save Laurel and I'm fine a few bumps and bruises and possible a bullet wound." Diggle explained as he tried to stop the blood coming from his wounds by tying a tunicate.

"Oh", Felicity replied trying to cover her disappointment, "Well, be safe and get back here as soon as possible so that I can help fix you up." She answered.

Diggle could sense that something was extremely wrong with Felicity as her normally endearing babbling was nonexistent and the fear in her voice could be heard clearly no matter how hard she tried to hide it. He walked over to Malcolm's body and checked the pulse just to be absolutely positive that he was dead before he began his journey back to Verdant.

Felicity's hands shook and as she looked down at them she saw that they were covered in cuts from falling cement and glass. Laurel. It always came back to Laurel. No matter how flirtatious she was or how beautiful she dressed she would never compare to the legend that is Laurel Lance. She attempted again and again to contact Oliver but to no avail found a response. Where was he and why wasn't he responding? Her mind raced at the possibilities of where Oliver could be alternating between dead and alive. She wanted to scream except her mind told her it would be easier to cry and without a second thought she decided that she would not. She walked over to the bathroom and surveyed herself in the mirror finding cuts along her hands and arms as she had used those to protect her head. A heavy layer of dust covered her clothes and her glasses. She stripped out of her clothes and took a shower wiping away all of the blood and dirt as it swirled down the drain of the shower. She shut her eyes tightly as she poured hydrogen peroxide over her wounds to keep them from getting infections and then placed band aids and gauze on the ones it was required. As Felicity put on her clothes from her training sessions with Diggle, she heard footsteps coming down the stairs and voices begin to speak.

"Hey Diggle, have you heard from Oli-" She began to speak before being silenced by the somber look on Diggle's face and Oliver's tear streaked one.

"Who?" She asked Diggle not being able to finish the question as she watched Oliver remove his hood and place his bow and arrow into the crates.

"Tommy." Diggle responded feeling useless as he watched Oliver emotionlessly go into the bathroom to presumably shower and witnessed Felicity begin to tear up before gaining control over herself.

Taking a deep breathe she grabbed Diggle's hand and led him over to the couch. She had to be productive, no, she needed to be productive because if she stopped she would begin to think about Tommy who she had met on a few occasions and thought was nice. Or worse, she would try to figure out what was going through Oliver Queen's, aka the most complicated man alive, head. Oliver had lost his best friend and nothing anyone could do or say would make anything better. She grabbed the first aid kit and began to clean all of Diggle's wounds and then dressing them. Unlike before she had not become squeamish at the sight of blood but instead addressed it as a problem that needed to be fixed as she would with a virus in a computer. The bullet wound Diggle had suffered from luckily was a through and through and she was able to dress the wound. With twenty minutes she had dealt with all of Diggle's wounds and was helping him walk back up the stairs as he decided that he would go check on Thea and Carly, leaving her alone with a broken Oliver. Although it must have only been a few more minutes after Diggle left it felt like hours as she waited for Oliver to emerge from the bathroom. Moving silently he walked to the couch and sat down. Her palms began to sweat as her heart raced at the thought that she now had to deal with a side of Oliver she had never seen before. She had witnessed rage, disappointment, and bewilderment from him but never sadness. Not knowing what to do she walked over to the couch and sat patiently waiting for some idea of what he needed from her.

"Please just say something, anything really, I just need you to distract me." Oliver whispered as he looked at Felicity.

Felicity breathed a small sigh of relief before taking a deep breath. If he wanted her to babble, she would do it. She was exhausted and part of her hoped that he was too so once he fell asleep she could too.

"My full name is Felicity Megan Smoak. I am a Pisces. I never go to the gym because I pretty sure that my favorite meal of ice cream and wine is a healthy and well balanced meal. I know you think that I am naturally a blonde but I am not. I pierced my own ears on a dare when I was fifteen and I have one tattoo placed above my- ah nevermind. I don't talk to my family as much as they would like since I am usually otherwise occupied but they know that I love them. My parents are divorced thankfully seeing as they were a nightmare together and my older sister is a district attorney in another city I think is called Gotham or something like that. I love when we first met all of the elaborate lies you would come up with as it usually led to me doing something challenging. I use to lie awake at night thinking about you, that's not what I mean, I mean I used to lie awake thinking about why you had such strange requests whenever you came to my office. Most of the time I think without speaking which you obviously know as you have witnessed me put my foot into my mouth time and time again. Since childhood I have always been extremely talkative to the point where it is a defense mechanism like when I tried talking this guy who was convinced he was in love with me out of love with me by listing all of my negative qualities in order or bad to worse. I can't remember the last time I was in a relationship with someone let alone the last time I had good sex. It's not for a lack of trying but the type of guys that are usually attracted to me aren't necessarily the type that scream good in bed. I only have a few close friends outside of Diggle and you of course because I consider you a friend- more than a friend really, well actually not more than a friend really since our relationship is strictly platonic like the occasional thoughts I mentioned I had about you. I mean I guess if I am being completely honest you are like craazy observant so I know that you know that I have a crush on you but who wouldn't really since you have are the definition of sexy like in a dictionary next to the word sexy is a picture of your face. Ohmygosh I didn't mean to say any of that I swear." Felicity blushed bright red as she realized what she had said.

Exhaustion at this point had over taken her and her occasional mental filter had disappeared but she was pleased to find his eyes closed and his breathing rhythmic as he slept somewhat soundly except for the occasional twitching. She walked over to the cabinet located near the couch and grabbed two blankets. She placed one over Oliver and wrapped herself comfortably in one hoping that tomorrow would be better. It had to be better. Looking at Oliver, she thought about how he needed to be better because Sterling City no longer needed the Hood now that its number one resident evil villain, Malcolm Merlyn was dead, but it need Oliver Queen, a wealthy and emotionally damaged playboy.

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**Thoughts? Please review and tell me if I should continue or not with the story. Thank you so much for reading! (:**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for all of the favorites, follows, and sweet comments. Part of me is dumbfounded at the thought that people read this story at all. I hope I don't disappoint anyone too much with this next chapter.**

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_Tommy Merlyn walked toward Felicity looking very much alive. Her brow furrowed in confusion as the closer he got to her the more she could clearly see the large red stains on his shirt. Felicity wanted to run away or scream but she found herself glued to her very spot. Her heart pounded in her chest as her palms began to sweat at the sight of a very dead Tommy Merlyn walking towards her. Does that mean that I am dead too she wondered. Her internal panic reached an all time high when Tommy Merlyn stood directly in front of her. _

"_Felicity Smoak, you have failed this city." Tommy said before he plunged a green arrow into her chest. _

Felicity woke up drenched in sweat as she tried to shake off her latest nightmare. Shakily, she took a deep breath while she searched for her glasses in the dark. Felicity got off of the couch and walked as quietly as possible to the bathroom as she tried not to wake Oliver whom she was sure was aware on some level of his surroundings. Reaching the bathroom she closed the door gently and then turned on the faucet to the sink as she slid down and sat on the floor while she buried her face in her hands and felt the tears fall as she thought about Tommy and the others like him who died in the Glades. How many people have died in the Glades due to Malcolm Merlyn's hands she thought to herself? Rationally, Felicity knew that the Undertaking was not her fault but she couldn't help but feel responsible for everyone who was dying in the Glades. She got up off the bathroom floor and splashed some water from the sink onto her face. Taking a deep breath she looked into the mirror and saw her bruises beginning to turn blue and the cuts she had received from falling debris earlier turn dark red. I have to fix this, she thought to herself, she had to help repair the Glades in order to ease her guilty conscience. Felicity walked out of the bathroom and grabbed her tablet out of her locker before going to sit back down on the couch. From her place on the other side of the couch, Felicity heard Oliver grunt. She listened silently as he shifted uncomfortably on the couch. She contemplated waking him up from what was most likely to be a nightmare as she transferred funds out of various criminals accounts whose names were on Oliver's list into a relief fund for the victims of the Undertaking.

"It should have been me." Oliver mumbled somewhat incoherently as Felicity got up from her place on the couch and walked over towards him.

She stood silently for a minute as she debated whether or not to wake him up until she looked at Oliver's pain stricken expression and decided to grow a pair. Hesitantly, she reached out a hand to stroke Oliver's face but paused midway at the sound of his voice.

"Felicity, I can feel you staring at me." Oliver said as he kept his eyes closed and imagined the scarlet blush that he was certain Felicity would be wearing.

"Jesus! Oliver, what the hell is your problem?" Felicity said as she slapped Oliver on the arm.

"You gave me a heart attack. And for the record I was not staring at you, I was looking at your face which sounds a lot like staring at you but I was trying to decide whether or not it is worth it being almost killed to wake you up.", Felicity said as she huffed in annoyance at Oliver who had a smirk on his face.

"Now that you're awake, do you want to talk about it?" She asked as she sat back on her side of the couch.

"Do I want to talk about what Felicity? Do I want to talk about how my best friend is dead or maybe talk about how I failed this city? Wait! I know what I really want to talk about it's how my mother is currently sitting in a jail cell and I've become guardian overnight to Thea. No I don't want to talk about it, Felicity." Oliver said sarcastically as he watched Felicity's expression change from one of caring into one display irritation.

"Oliver Queen, do you think you are the only person in Starling City tonight to lose a loved one or better yet do you think that I don't feel like I failed this city since I didn't anticipate a second device. I was the only person who could figure out how to deactivate the device and guess what I couldn't. Everyone in the Glades who dies tonight is my fault. I have blood on my hands so stop pushing me away and just trying talking to me for once." She said as she gazed into his eyes and saw that he was a million miles away.

His rigid pose gave him away and Felicity decided to scoot closer to Oliver on the couch. She grabbed his hand and felt him relax slightly as she rubbed soothing circles with her thumb over the back of his hand.

"Oliver, you are not alone. Look at me. Please." Felicity pleaded as she stared at him and gently laid her hand on the side of his cheek.

Felicity felt something inside her stir when his blue eyes bore directly into hers. Electricity shot through her when he squeezed her hand and then interlaced his fingers with hers. She wanted to say something reassuring to him but decided against it when she thought of the verbal diarrhea that occurred anytime she opened her mouth around him.

"Felicity", Oliver said pulling her out of her inner monologue.

"Tell me about this illustrious tattoo and its apparently secretive location." Oliver said with his legendary playboy smirk as she turned seven different shades of red. She snatched her hand out of his and put it over her face.

"I can't believe you were actually listening. I thought my ramblings were just background noise for you. When did you stop listening and please tell me it was right after that part?" She replied still burying her face in her hands.

"I think I stopped listening somewhere around when you said that I was definition of sexy." He teased as he heard Felicity shriek.

"Oliver Queen, don't you dare tease me!" Felicity said as she began to laugh along with Oliver. She had never heard his real laughter before and she would be lying if she didn't wish to wake up to that sound.

They both stopped laughing at the sound of the door opening. Diggle took the stairs two at a time carrying someone in his arms towards both of them who were now standing up in front of the couch. Felicity watched Oliver's face change into the Hood's and felt him stiffen beside her. Diggle's face alone was enough to make Felicity's heart break but suddenly she felt as if she was going to be sick as she watched Diggle lay Thea down on the couch as he went to go grab the first aid kit. Thea lay unconscious on the couch covered in blood and glass and for a moment Felicity thought her ears were playing games on her as she heard Oliver whisper as he stepped towards Thea's unconscious body.

"Oh no, Speedy, what have you done."

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	3. Chapter 3

"Diggle, what's wrong with her?" Felicity whispered to Diggle as she watched him frantically hand Oliver the first aid kit and then walk over to a cabinet filled with three backpacks. He proceeded to pack a bag full of medical supplies, cash, and Oliver's extra work out clothes.

"She going to be fine, Felicity. She drove to the Queen mansion and found it being ransacked by a bunch of people so as she was speeding out of there she got into a small car accident. I found her by the side of the road using the GPS in her phone. I checked her over at the scene and she only has a few bumps and scratches. We have to get her and Oliver out of here, Felicity, it's not safe out there for a Queen anymore. The city is in ruins and it seems that everyone is out for blood from the Queen and Merlyn families. Do you have any more clothes in you locker? I need to pack Thea a bag." Diggle spoke so quickly for a moment Felicity thought he was the one who was usually caught rambling between the two of us.

He helped himself to her locker and quickly emptied it of all of the clothes she had inside placing it into another bag along with a satellite phone. She turned and watched Oliver as he bandaged Thea's wounds and gently woke her up. They spoke quietly and Felicity felt as if she was invading on a private moment so she turned back towards Diggle, who was already on his phone arranging transportation.

"Wait, a minute! Dig, where are they going to go? You can't honestly expect people to just let them fall off the face of the Earth. And what about Oliver" She whisper yelled at Diggle.

"He just lost Tommy, he hasn't had time to breathe let alone go on the run." Her heart clenched at the idea of Oliver leaving. Minutes ago, Oliver and Felicity were laughing and now he has to disappear and worst of all leave her behind she thought. Felicity felt like the world around her was spinning out of control even more so than it had in the last twenty-four hours.

"Felicity, he's right. Thea and I need to leave." Oliver spoke up from the couch as Thea shifted on the couch to try to figure out where she was.

Gone was the playfulness in his eyes when he was teasing her. Gone was the boy that died on that island and made way for the strong man she saw before me. He was on another island again except this time he put himself there. He no longer looked at Felicity as a person but surveyed her as if she represented some sort of threat. Oliver had done it. He had turned off all his emotions and now she hardly recognized the frigid blue eyes staring at her. Snapping herself out of it she turned and began helping Diggle pack the second bag. She went over to wear she kept some extra tech devices like trackers and communication systems and threw them into the bag. Oliver's bag contained his clothes, a few small weapons, and the cash that was kept lying around the foundry in case of emergencies. Thea's was filled with Felicity's clothes, all of the medical supplies they could possibly need, and a satellite phone. While Diggle and Oliver spoke quietly in a corner Felicity wrote Oliver a quick letter and stuffed it into his bag. Diggle told Felicity he would call her later as he carried Thea Queen back up the stairs to the car that was waiting for them.

"So, I guess this is goodbye." Felicity turned as she heard a voice behind her as she finished zipping up Oliver's bag.

She felt a blush creep onto her cheeks at the thought of being caught by Oliver. He stepped towards her and put both hands on her shoulders and she saw him wage an internal war.

"Goodbyes are sad, Oliver. A goodbye should only be said to someone when you are sure you are never going to see them again so don't you dare say goodbye to me. How about instead of goodbye we say until next time because it leaves room for the future. It gives us some hope. It gives us something to hang onto."

"Felicity Megan Smoak", He paused for a moment staring at me. She watched his eyes for a moment show an emotion she couldn't discern flicker through his eyes before he locked it down.

"You truly are remarkable."He said as Diggle called for Oliver at the top of the stairs and he yelled back that he would only be a moment. Oliver opened his mouth to speak and then shut it abruptly.

"Until next time." He said before he turned abruptly on his heel and headed up the stairs leaving her all alone in the lair.

_3 MONTHS LATER_

Felicity had not had more than a moments worth of silence all day when she finally made it back to her office after spending all morning in a meeting with the directors of each department and the new President of Queen Consolidated, Oliver Queen. Three months and not a word from him were enough to make her feel uncertain about where she stood with him. During the meeting, she glanced down only at the documents in front of her careful to avoid his penetrating gaze but caved and looked up to find him staring at her so intently that it made her feel like they were the only two people in the world let alone in the room. She sat down in her office chair and began to go through her emails.

"Hi, is this Felicity Smoak's office?" A voice asked as Felicity looked up to find no other than Thea Queen walking into her office.

"Thea-I mean - yes it is I'm Felicity Smoak. How can I help you?" She stammered out as Thea Queen walked around Felicity's office surveying the book cases and diplomas on the wall. Internally Felicity wondered if any of the Queens ever seemed to knock.

"Please call me Thea. You know you seem familiar, have we met before? " Thea asked as she began to study Felicity like a rare species.

" - I mean Thea, we met briefly when I visited Walter, your stepfather, while he was in the hospital. Your brother introduced me as a friend but in all reality I am more like a work acquaintance." Felicity replied hoping that her answer would be enough to end this sure to be uncomfortable line of questioning.

"How exactly do you know Ollie?" Thea asked as Felicity suddenly became very interested in her hands as she mentally wished that she was anywhere but here in her office having what was probably going to be known as the most uncomfortable conversation ever with Thea Queen.

"Ollie? You mean ? I met him last year after he came back from the island when he asked me to rescue his laptop after he spilt a latte on it." Felicity said as she tried to hold back a smirk at the memory of Oliver walking into her office with a bullet riddled laptop and bad lies. She had never realized before that it was that short ten minute encounter with Oliver that would change her life forever.

"I know I don't look like much in the way of brains but don't patronize me Felicity. I read the letter." Thea said with a smirk as she watched Felicity begin to freak out internally.

Oh god she read the letter. Oliver's sister read the letter I wrote for him and now he has sent her here to politely tell me how much he never wants to see me again or how I am fired for being enough of an idiot to fall for a guy who only saw me as a means to an end.

"I-I didn't mean to patronize you Thea- I mean and I am so sorry you felt that way. And what letter did you read exactly? I read somewhere that billions of letters are written every year around the world." Felicity replied while contemplating the ways she could crawl under her desk and hide.

"You're not his usual type as I'm sure you know but I like you. The letter made me like you and then I come in here and find out that you are the polar opposite of Laurel which makes me like you even more. When we got to our other home in Metropolis, after the Undertaking, I woke up to find Oliver unpacking our bags and placing a piece of paper in his back pocket. Later on when I questioned him about it he got all evasive like he does and left the room and sure enough a white piece of paper was still in his back pocket. For weeks, it drove me insane as I tried to figure out what could be so important to Oliver that he would not show it to me. So I played the only card I had left. I snuck into his room while he was showering and stole the piece of paper. Imagine my surprise when I saw it was a love letter. My first assumption was that it was from Laurel but the letter sounded completely different from anything that she would say and then at the bottom you signed your first name. Suddenly everything made sense. At night when Oliver thought I was asleep I would hear him talking to Diggle on the phone about someone named Felicity and after some serious harassing Diggle on my part I now stand before you. " She said with a smile on her face as Felicity felt her heart thud loudly in her chest.

" Ohmygod. I don't even know what's worse the fact that you read the letter or the fact that Oliver read it and hasn't mentioned it which means he probably thinks I'm insane. And it was not a love letter it was just a regular kind of letter that one writes to someone they have a crush on. Who am I kidding it was a love letter and now you're here. God could this day get any worse, not that you being here has made my day terrible or anything but I couldn't figure out why he wasn't talking to me and now I am being interrogated by a seventeen year old and she's winning, no offence of course Ms. Queen. I knew today was not going to be a good day when I saw that my DVR forgot to record last night's Supernatural. Have I mentioned how much I love working here and how great it would be if you never mentioned any of this to your brother as I pretty sure he is already looking for a reason to fire me because now he knows I like him more than platonically and he doesn't know how to let me down easily and I'm gonna die alone with only cats to keep me company which is saying something because I don't really like cats that much. And I am going to stop talking in three, two, one." Felicity said as she watched Thea burst into a fit of laughter.

To say Felicity Smoak was mortified was an understatement. She chewed her lip while she twitched uncomfortably waiting for Thea to finish laughing.

"You know when I walked into your office this morning I understood why Oliver would hold onto a letter from you. You're clearly beautiful and extremely intelligent but now I understand that it's not you looks or brains that have attracted my brother to you but your heart." Thea said as she got up from her chair and started towards the door.

"I do hope we meet again Felicity. Oh and one last thing don't give up on my brother just yet I'm sure that if you searched his jacket pocket you would find the very letter you wrote to him. He's stubborn and pretty blind when it comes to certain things but I have a feeling that you must have snuck up on him and he has no clue what to do about it." Thea said with her hand on the door knob.

"Goodbye Ms. Queen" Felicity

"Not goodbye Felicity, you see I hope that we will see each other again and Oliver told that someone special once told him that goodbyes are only meant for people you are never going to see again. So, in order to keep holding onto the hope that we will meet again instead of goodbye we will say until next time." Thea said as she pulled open the door to Felicity's office and stepped out.

Felicity racked her brain for reasons to rationalize that what had just happened was a figment of her imagination but to no avail she realized that it had all happened. In the last hour she had learned that not only did Oliver read the letter but so did his sister. Worst of all he had read the letter and now he was avoiding her. She needed wine and ice cream to make sense of the day she was having. She looked at her cell phone and counted down the hours till she could be in her apartment sitting on her couch wearing her favorite sweat pants with a tank top as she ate ice cream and drank a glass of the most expensive wine she owned while watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Until then she would just have to hide out in her office hoping that she would not be needed. A knock at her door brought her out of her internal monologue and she mentally cursed at herself for jinxing herself.

"Come in." She called out hoping that it was anyone but Oliver Queen but of course that was not the kind of day she was having.

"Hey, we need to talk." Oliver said standing in her doorway and Felicity wondered what crime she must have committed to have the kind of bad karma day she was having. _We need to talk. Great she thought what good conversation every started with we need to talk? _She thought to herself as she motioned for Oliver to sit. Maybe instead of a glass of wine she was going to need the entire bottle.


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